Written by me

Two weeks ago I was sitting peacefully on my rucksack that turns in a split second into a portable armchair, on the quay at Blakeney in North Norfolk. A man walked up to me and said: "Forget the bacon." Was I suddenly in the middle…

In the 60s I grew up on the Central line between East Acton and Oxford Circus. We lived in East Acton and I played football with the Charge family who lived on the huge council estate that stretched all the way back to the White…

Moses the moth man called me back on Tuesday afternoon. "Mr Rosengard, I've just surveyed your flat and you've got moths." "I know I've got moths, Moses. that's why I called you on Friday." "Well they're in your cupboard with the clothes and I can…

Last weekend my friend Charles took his family to Disneyland Paris. When Lily was four we'd taken her there and stayed in one of the hotels. Just as we'd checked in, Lily said hello to Minnie Mouse who just happened to be strolling by. The…

Last week I was looking at the adverts in the window of the local newsagents, when I noticed a one bedroom flat for sale for £399,000. As I've been thinking for the last 20 years about buying a property as an investment, on impulse I…

Although my Grandpa Harry was a professional runner (as in bookie's) I've never been the sporty type. So nobody was more surprised than me that when Big Ben struck midnight last Monday, I was in my pyjamas hunched over the computer, clicking onto the Olympics…

Last Saturday I had dinner at the very hot Bocca di Lupo restaurant in Soho. I'd phoned in the afternoon but they were fully booked. "I'm really sorry!", an Italian guy said. "That's a shame", I said. "I wanted to bring a famous comedian who's…

Last Tuesday morning I went to get a tube of toothpaste from my chemist, off Bond Street. A handwritten sign in the wood-framed olde worlde shop window read: 'We wish to thank all our loyal customers…' They'd closed down. Unbelievable! They'd been there forever. I…

Thirty years ago, I was working on a kibbutz, looking after the cows, and one day I had an idea. I suggested they market a brand of cheese and call it 'Cheeses of Nazareth'. For some reason they didn't go for it. I like cheese,…

On Saturday night I made an appointment with myself to stay in and watch the pay-per-view heavyweight championship of the world boxing match between the challenger Audley Harrison and the champion David Haye on Sky. After five minutes of pointing my two remote controls at…