Written by me

In which my mother’s cheesecake, Barclays fraud, and dying of worry are all part of a typical Saturday Last Saturday I dropped in on my parents’ weekly coffee morning, ‘Sally’s salon.’ My mother opened the door. “Have some cheesecake,” she said. “No thanks, Mum. I’m…

I had a great day out when I went to see the Pontiff On Yom Kippur, while I was coming out of the synagogue, across the street I saw two young girls holding up a banner saying: "We love the Pope more than beans on…

My BlackBerry addiction is so advanced that I keep walking into lampposts I read last week that people are spending seven hours a day on their mobile phones and the internet. "What's the matter with them!?" I thought. "Why are they wasting the other 17…

Last Thursday I flew to Scotland as my daughter Lily had a climbing competition — Great Britain against France. Thank God the Germans and Austrians weren’t competing as, last year, they wiped the floor with us. They should definitely ban all countries with mountains on…

Watching thousands of men go totally crazy is a great show, but I never understood the football With the World Cup looming, I decided not to be taken by surprise. Despite never having had any interest in football since April 2007, I've been pretending to…

What do you do if you’re a divorced male who can’t cook? Eat out… every single night I've eaten out in restaurants every night for the past 10 years. Looking back in my diary I see I embarked on my epic dining out career on…

I've eaten out in restaurants every night for the last ten years. Looking back in my diary I see I embarked on my epic dining out career on the night I got divorced. I can't cook. I think there might be a connection. I don't…

'Have you got Trapped on a Small Island by a Huge Volcanic Dust Cloud?" I asked the assistant at Daunts bookshop. "Who's it by?", she asked. "I'll look it up." I got back on my red Vespa scooter, drove 10 yards down the street and…

"Have you got 'Trapped on a Small Island by a Huge Volcanic Dust Cloud?'" - I asked the assistant at Daunts bookshop. "Who's it by?" ..she asked.-"I'll look it up." I got back on my red Vespa scooter ,and drove 10 yards down the street,…

Last Tuesday morning, I felt an ache in my lower back. As I’ve never had back pain in my life, naturally I feared the worst. "Could it be cancer of the bottom ?" I asked my doctor on the phone. "Have you done anything unusually…