Written by me

Tell me the truth, doctor — are me and my jacket going to make it? Last Tuesday morning, I felt an ache in my lower back. As I've never had back pain in my life, naturally I feared the worst. "Could it be cancer of…

Before getting into bed last night, I wrote down the 24hr emergency hotline number that was on the jar of gherkins I'd just bought. You just never know when you'll need to make that call. Admittedly,... assuming that you haven't slipped in the shower, while…

How the pickled fruit helped me when I was feeling lonely Before getting into bed last night, I wrote down the 24-hour emergency hotline number that was on the jar of gherkins I'd just bought. You just never know when you'll need to make that…

Machetes and a motorbike accident drove me back to Blighty — where the terror threat level is severe By the way, before I forget, did I ever mention that mine must be the only Jewish family in the world where all three of us —…

By the way, before I forget, did I ever mention that mine must be the only Jewish family in the world where all 3 of us, my brother, sister and me have Chinese children? Anyway, my sister lives in Bali. "It certainly beats Bushey." I…

Follow my example and don’t let the elbow-room snatchers get you down. I’d just arrived at the theatre with Lily to see Thriller, the Michael Jackson tribute show. I put my arm on the armrest. There was another arm already there on my side of…

It’s amazing how fast one can zip across the city with the help of a minor ailment and a £20 note The cardiologist was just threading 25ft of tiny Dyno-Rod plastic piping into my coronary arteries when he asked: “How much would a £1m life…

The cardiologist was just threading 25ft of tiny Dyno-Rod plastic piping into my coronary arteries when he asked: “How much would a £1m life insurance policy cost me?” “Just concentrate on what you’re doing, doctor,” I said. “Right now, the only life insurance policy likely…

Glamour, excitement, adventure - a normal day for an insurance salesman If you’re ever on a plane and the passenger in the next seat won’t stop talking, just tell him you’re a life insurance salesman; he won’t say another word. He might even try to…

If you’re ever on a plane and the passenger in the next seat won’t stop talking, just tell him you’re a life insurance salesman; he won’t say another word. He might even try to get off the plane… in mid flight. I should know —…