Written by me
When I want to hear a live Premier League football match, I always call my local mini cab firm. They have often considerately played the commentary for a whole game while you are on hold, before the controller finally comes on the line with "Dream…
Today's new's that UBS Warburg has cancelled ex President Clinton's forthcoming speech to their company, (Title; 'How to Pardon the Rich, Furnish Your Home with Millions of Dollars of Taxpayers Gifted Furniture for Nothing! and get $150,000 for this speech !')… couldn't have come at…
It's Saturday afternoon. I am lying on the sofa in my living room, trying to think what this column will be about. Yes, I know I should have thought about it earlier. I decide to put off writing anything, by going to sleep for a…
As an internationally read columnist, naturally I cannot open my mail without finding it overflowing with invitations to attend all the major events in London. The premiers, the parties thrown by the rich and famous, you know the kind of thing. So, having received my…
In 1989 I had 753 breakfasts. Of course, that meant that some days I had to have two or even three breakfasts. I know what you are thinking: that's a lot of bacon and eggs! I know that. My doctor told me "You don't have…
President Auberon Waugh’s sudden death on Tuesday at the age of just 61, when he was assassinated in Somerset by a member of his own bodyguard, who burst into the Presidential bathroom firing a machine gun whilst he was on the lavatory, came as a…
There’s nothing like getting back to your own home after the long Christmas holidays is there? Home to the heartwarming sounds of your neighbourhood, the tinkling sound of breaking glass at 4am that tells you 2001 has got off to a cracking good start for…
I've just got back from my Christmas holiday in Barbados. The flight was OK, but every time I got up to walk up and down the aisle, to avoid the airline's Christmas Special Festive Gift of deep vein thrombosis,(or having a heart attack, after the…
It was my birthday on Monday, so naturally, as soon as I woke up, I checked out all my readers e- Greetings. I had two messages. I clicked on the first one:"BUY VIAGRA NOW!" I clicked on the next one, from Jessica: " Re: The…
This morning I went to see Barny the Churchmouse.. THE MUSICAL. As far as I'm concerned, you can keep Les Miserables, Chicago, and the Phantom, because when Barny the Churchmouse is in town, I am there on the first night. Or in this case First…