Written by me
I got an email on Tuesday from someone called Phil from Wales. “Please can I come and have a look at your watering can?” I live in a third floor flat — I don’t have a garden. I’d been passing a famous London auction room…
How long could I hold out before the banks of the Regents Park Canal burst and reached my third floor flat? If just one drop of water got into my BlackBerry, my life would be over. I glanced down— its red light was still flashing.…
The news last week that millions of Flushmate (model 111 ) toilets in the US are being recalled because they can explode, not only sent tremors down the toilet world but it’s also worrying for the 300 million Americans who go to the toilet. Toilets…
London’s flooded with Russian oligarchs — but can you find an oligarch when you want one? No, you can’t. I’ve been looking for one for over two years —hoping to find even a little oligarch to whom I can sell a billion-dollar life insurance policy:…
Last week, I was standing at the counter of my local café, just about to pay the bill for my breakfast, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned round to see Si, a friend who’s a famous TV pundit, about to sit…
As I drove back to London last week after taking my daughter to start her big adventure — university — I thought back to her batmitzvah speech when she’d revealed that when she was a little girl, every day when she came home from school…
Four weeks ago I woke up and thought I’d do a one-man show at the Edinburgh Fringe. This was an unusual thought because I’m a life insurance salesman in London. I rang William Burdett-Coutts, who has been “The Fringe” for over 30 years. “Will, what…
Three weeks ago, I was a guest of a luxury watch company in their box at the Albert Hall to watch Eric Clapton. Never have the hands of time passed more slowly. All started well; there was a party atmosphere, good company, lots to drink,…
On Sunday, I went on a blind date. I was fully prepared. My 17-year-old daughter had texted me my instructions: “Dad, don’t be on the phone the whole time — in fact don’t even take your BlackBerry. Don’t talk about yourself the whole time. Don’t…
I've got a book coming out. My publisher is very busy - often the only time we talk is when he's walking home in rush hour. He's a power walker so he is always out of breath. He rang me yesterday. "Peter? puff… puff…It's your……